this is exactly what i thought she would say, and she actually said it
- Me: So what do you think?
- Lauren: I guess it depends on the type of guy you want. I mean, if you like really clingy, and emo, and annoying, then he could be your perfect guy. But you deserve better.
Anna says if I need to cry, then I should cry. Sort out all my feelings and whatnot. And I think so too. I think the most opportune time to cry would be tomorrow at lunch. I don’t enjoy crying when I’m alone. And I don’t mean that I would like others to cry as well. I would just prefer to be comforted as I cry. :/ I’m weird. But as long as I have people to hug, who I actually like, I’ll be happy. Anna also said that he would probably come to me if I started crying, and worry about me. And I guess that would be nice. He’d actually leave his posse for a bit to attempt to make me feel better. And I’m honestly sure he’d succeed. It kind of sucks though, that that’s what it takes for him to do so. I need to cry. :/
It’s kind of funny, though, because if it was me, Lauren, and Anna together like it was last time, and all of a sudden he came along, Lauren would probably yell at him to go away. It’d be so funny. But now that she knows I like him, maybe she wouldn’t.
It’s strange to think that last year, none of this would’ve happened. Firstly, I wouldn’t have had the guts to tell her that I liked him. She would’ve hated me. Now she like, loves me, and someone else hates me, or at least, that’s what we’re assuming. Funny little world.
I wonder if I’m dumb for thinking I have a chance with him.
okay, so I told Lauren my secret today.
I walked with her and Anna and the others to lunch today, and she mentioned the whole bus thing, and to an outsider, it was a very confusing conversation.
Lauren: Does she [Anna] know the bus thing?
Me: Wait, what? Oh yeah, that thing. Yeah.
Anna: What thing?
Me: The thing I was originally going to tell her didn’t really work out as planned.. I mean, I want to tell her, but I don’t know… Nevermind.
Lauren: Wait, what? Which thing? Do you know this thing? (to Anna)
Anna: Oh, I know.
Me: Yeah, that thing! Urg I need to tell her.
Lauren: (manages to go around to stand next to me) Okay, so tell me!
Me: I know, but you’ll think I’m stupid.
Lauren: I won’t think you’re stupid! Tell me!
And so I told her I’d tell her later, even though I wanted to get it over with.
So during lunch, I was like “Lauren, I have to tell you something.” And she was like “okay,” so we went to the chairless area of the cafeteria, and she was like what? And I said it would make her think I’m dumb, and that I have bad judgment, and it has to do with liking someone. And she was like “you like ___?” And I was like yeah. So she started talking calmly about how it wasn’t worth it, and I wasn’t mad at her, I accepted and appreciated that she was trying to look out for me. But that I shouldn’t do something about liking him, because W would hurt me, and she doesn’t want me to get hurt. But I figure, I will do what I want. W doesn’t scare me much. And I really, truly do like him. But I doubt I will take any action about it soon. .____.
And I told her I was glad I shared with her my secret, and she was like I’m glad you confided in me! She’s such a good friend. I’m glad she knows.
But it’s not like she’s going to cheer over every little moment that makes me hopeful with him, like I do with Anna. She disapproves of me liking him, but I am free. She’s just giving her friendly input….
I’m glad I told her. It’s good that that’s out of the way.
i haven't made a list in a while
- list
- um
- November 1st. great day.
- first he brought up the idea of hanging out the next day
- but then disappointed me. he said that he had a music lesson so he couldn’t.
- i was sad
- and he called me “really attractive, and really pretty, and actually kind of sexy.” so random
- November 2nd. another great day.
- i was still sad about not hanging out
- but it turned out he didn’t have a music lesson that day. i don’t know, i guess he either lied or rescheduled.
- but the point is, i was originally feeling sad. but i hid it, because i thought he didn’t feel the same way and i should just get over it because we could just hang out another time. so then the English period ended, and we were packing up to leave the room, and I mentioned how I was going to be all alone that day after school, ‘cause of Anna and all her romantic escapades. :P
- And he interjected, “wanna hang out?” and i was like “i thought you had a music lesson.” And he was like, “not anymore.” And I was super excited, my heart did little somersaults.
- I love that word, somersaults.
- And I was so happy. It’s like in Deathly Hallows where Hermione basically flung her arms around Ron and hugged him. She was worried about him, since he’d left and it was just her and Harry hanging out and Harry got those visions of the deer by the pond.
- And we hung out that day, and it was absolutely wonderful.
- we went to Sam Ash and just hung out there, and then we went to the train station to go home, and it was so sad when we had to part. :/
- I missed him a lot.
- But the hugs we shared were lovely.
I guess making this list made me forget that I was mad at him for a moment. I love having him as my friend.
"remember when we used to talk for hours? and now we can barely look at each other."
so depressing to think about that ever happening
Eet - Regina Spektor
it’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song…
“You’ve got a bit of…toothpaste.”
what did this mean?
this was so random during the movie.
while watching it the first time, i was like, “oh my god Ron/Hermione, what just happened?!”
the second time i watched it, i was like “i can’t decipher the meaning of this at all.”
